The art of being Californian, it seems, is to cultivate a loose-limbed insouciance while secretly working away like a frantic ant.

--Richard Fortey The Earth: An Intimate History

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Crossing the Road

Today, about twenty minutes into my stupid far run, I passed a crow pecking on the head of a baby bird.

At first I thought the bird was dead, but when the crow flew away at my approach, I saw the little one weakly move a wing. My heart was so sad for how much pain it was in, so I looked around for a rock or a heavy stick to smash its skull so that it wouldn't feel any pain. I couldn't find anything and I didn't have the willpower to kill it with my bare hands, so I kept running.

It didn't occur to me until I finished my run two hours later that I could have maybe rescued the bird. Stopped my run, picked it up, taken it somewhere where someone could have attempted to heal it.

When I ran past the place where I saw the bird, only a tiny bloody leg remained.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Train of Thought

There will be a longer post about the following, but I figured who doesn't love lists.

Things I think about when I am running:

Is is possible to drown in your own snot while running?

Why am I so slow?

That house has stupid outdoor space.

Why is that person so much faster?

I hate her (because it is always a woman who is faster. I am a sexist runner and am not bothered by fast men).

I hope she trips and horribly scrapes her knees so that she can't wear a dress for months.

How can my body hurt so much?

I love this song!

Why do my legs hate me?

Oh my gosh, I can't wait to drink beer.

Oh, look, there's that fast bitch again. I hope she gets pregnant and fat.

That house has stupid outdoor space too.

Does anyone in Monterey care about their outdoor space?

The bay is so pretty.

Oh shit, I just tripped on a stone because I was so busy looking at the bay. Stupid water.

Why do I jiggle so much?

How many more miles do I have to run before I burn enough calories to eat truffle fries?

Am I lost (the answer is usually yes)?

Can I stop yet?

Looking at this list, I see that I am a very negative runner (more accurately: yogger). No wonder for me running is not cheaper than therapy. In fact, it makes me go to more therapy. It also makes me want to key the cars of people with the stickers that read "Running: Cheaper than Therapy" or "26.2."

Screw you and your love for running.

How many times is that fast bitch going to lap me?

[Disclaimer: There will most likely be a lot of running posts in the coming months since, regrettably, that is what I am spending most of my time doing (besides drinking, but it's not P.C. to avidly post about drinking). Tolerate me.]